Grandad

Wounded with anxiety and breathless with panic. I wonder where you have gone. I dread every minute that my memory weakens and you slip away. I can not see ahead of me, you have entered a world in which I do not understand, dark storms of anger and hatred towards that world cloud my view. A chunk of me is missing. I see you everywhere i go, you have touched every aspect of my life and i am going to have to learn to regognise me without you by my side.

However my fear is lost and hopeless. My grief and longing for you is surely a tribute to your life and an acknowledgment of your imprint on me? I feel God has a place among death even if religion doesn’t. Your going a disaster as death appeared to be an end, but my hope is rich with immortality and I find myself taking courage from you. You have passed and have conquered what I fear through lack of understanding. I’ve prayed for peace and an ease to your suffering that had no right to accompany you onwards.

So i will cry, but not too much and i will mourn but not for too long. I can not and will not be afraid. You live on within me if no where else, and i promise to cherish every memory and hold it tight. I am still young and do not have the wisdom and acceptance that i can only presume comes with age and a familiarity to the passing of lives. I find accepting death as a part of life difficult to comprehend let alone deal with. I am not afraid to show weakness as grieving for someone I love returns my emotions back to the innocence nature intended. Wherever heaven is for you is where i shall meet you again.